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  • 2008.07.05 Saturday
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  • by スポンサードリンク

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something i had this morning.

i saw you there again.
what do i want?
nothing from you...
just leave me alone.

you and i were just like then.
i couldn't say anything to you.
you just let me be with you as usual.
i kept my eyes on your back and your face.
i was happy enough then. happy enough.
finally, i decided to reach you
coz i wanted to be closer.
well, it was too late.
i couldn't feel you again.

glad to see you there.
we were just like then.


to my someone special
sorry, but it doesn't mean anything.
it's just a dream.

独り言なんだよ


本当にそう。
「二十歳過ぎるとあっという間」と誰かが言ってたけど。
本当にあっという間で私も今年で25歳。
(でも心はいつまでも少年のままだって心がけてますけど)
カナダに来て、あれ、7年経った?あらまー。
日本に5年近く帰ってないせいで、
最近のたくさんの人達の「今の姿」においつけなくてアセアセ。
成人式の時にあった地元のタメの方々はあの時のままストップ。
それ以外の人達は7年前のままだったりする。
だから「今結婚して子どもいるよ」とか「今東京で働いてる」
なんて聞いても、しっくりこない自分がまだいるんだけど、
写真を見た瞬間(゜0゜;)となって現実を受け入れます。
特に赤ちゃんと一緒の写真は強いねっ。

最近、写真や電話やメールで遠縁だった友達などに連絡を取ってる。
一番興奮したのは7年前のVictoriaのホストと話した電話。
当時5歳、8歳、11歳だった子ども達はもうTeenagerよっ。
スポーツもピアノもできる長男は大学試験!ピアノの試験!
声変わりした次男坊にもうドキドキ。
Barbieの歌で踊ってた娘の口調も少し大人っぽくなってワクワク。
Victoriaで語学学校を共にした友達や
2年間高校を一緒にがんばった友達とも再会予定です。
早く早く会いたいです。

他の人の姿まで見ないで自分も見てみると、
相変わらず・・・成長してないなと・・・。
今日本に帰って友達に会っても見上げちゃうんじゃないかな。
「大人になったね、ほぇー。(゜_゜)」
遊び仲間・同級生・先輩・後輩だったみんながもう、
社会人だったり、だったり、夫・妻であったり・・・。
本当に浦島太郎状態なのよ、私。
玉手箱という現実を開けたら、私もちゃんと年とってるのよ。
きっと高校の時のノリではだめかしら・・・?
ま、一般よりも少し遅い高卒だしね、ハタチ直前だったよ。
去年就職したばかり。Collegeは4年も通いました・・・。
さー、結婚・出産に追いつけるのはいつのことかしら。
その前に免許だべ。親からの自立だべ。

今更ながらこんなこと考えてごめんなさぃっす。
今年も頑張りやすっ、しゃっ!(気合)

sorry, this journal is english only...

LOVE&FREE―世界の路上に落ちていた言葉
LOVE&FREE―世界の路上に落ちていた言葉
高橋 歩

it's just simple...
i'm borrowing my brother's laptop, and i don't know how to type japanese.

i just read the two japanese books that my older brother brought from japan today.

these are "LOVE&FREE" and "itsumo. itsumasdemo." by ayumu takahashi.

i'm so impressed. it made me realize something important in my life.

my dad, mam, and brothers, who live with me under the same roof.
my bf, who is reading a japanese comic beside me
(i mean, who is always there for me).
my friends, who make me smile and share wonderful time here and over the pacific ocean.
my new job, that is tough and fun.
somthing that i've not known and learned yet.
and so on...

i'm sure i'm so happy.
i'm having fun right now for my future.
and, there are more things i can have fun.

thanks, my precious people.
how can i express this feeling.
i don't know...but thanks.

stay on task

i can't stay on task...even i know i have to.

i'm kinda on the ragged edge.
i had a dream that i was crying 'cause i despised myself.

i know i have to!
one more exam, three more assingments.
then, it'll be over.

so, study!! finish the assingments!!
do it!!

can't stand

i can't stand.
i'm stressed.

i'm still...

too many things.
too many sighs.

it's hurt to see it.
how come i was beside you last night?
how can i make you smile today?
or, can i make you smile today?

should i be disqualified as ur gf?
see? i'm going on that way again.

well, i don't wanna let my hands go, you know?
how about you?

so sorry

i'm so sorry.
it was my fault.
i did it again.
and, i say "i'm so sorry" again.
yeah, i know.
there are too much "sorry".
you don't care the reasons why i say that anymore.
you've heard too many times.
even you don't know why, you just say, "it's fine."
sorry, i make you like that.
so sorry.
i let you down.

i believe that i still can make you smile.
the card you gave me says,
"when you smile, i can smile. when you laugh, i can laugh."
i believe that as same as you think.
so, let me be your girlfriend.

it will be alright

"When you're distressful, i'll protect you, so it's alright."
it's in aiko's song.

i know, yeah.
that's right.
it'll be alright 'cause you are there.
but...i'm acting weird.
sorry, it's not about you.
it's about me.

falling down

i wanna cry 'cause i hate it.
i lost my confidence again.
yeah, "again".
i don't know. i don't know.

can you listen to me?
can you be there for me?
i feel so down.

however, i just try to keep going.
i have to, so.
i keep going for what i want.
actually, i wanna stop and have a break.
if someone pushes my back, i can cry.
well, i don't wanna cry, or i can't cry.

whatever, whatever.

being discouraged...

how come i'm always like this?
i don't wanna make same failtures over and over.
however, i've done that.
it makes me impatient at myself.
then, i can't concentrate to study.
then, i get so behind.
then, i feel down.
it calls a vicious circle...
i'm so frustrated!

i hate it

i hate it.
i hate it.

it's cowardly.
it's weak.
it's annoying.

open your mouth.
say what you want.
it just stands there and waits for something.
you idiot.

it doesn't need to be afraid.
say what you want, otherwise, you'll be a loser.

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